I seriously could care less about the Olympics.
Yes, I understand these people are competing to be the best in the world at what they do, and they demonstrate years of training and determination, and blah blah blah. But honestly, I could give a shit about them.
Lets bring in some full contact miniature golf and aerial dart throwing, and maybe you can change my mind.
I know this probably makes me a horrible, non-patriotic person, but I don’t care. I also don’t care about the Olympics and here’s why.
THE SPONSORS
This year’s Olympic sponsors include Coca-Cola, McDonald’s and Cadbury (you know, the people who make those sugar crème filled chocolate Easter Eggs).
Do you honestly think any of these athletes actually eat this shit? Come on.
These athletes train hard to get where they are, and follow strict training and diet regimens. I highly doubt they are stuffing their face with McDonald’s and washing it down with a 72 oz Coke.
These athletes train hard…I highly doubt they are stuffing their face with McDonald’s and washing it down with a 72 oz Coke.
These sponsors do not belong in an event that promotes physical fitness and health. Maybe if they had Olympic couch-sitting. Which brings me to my next reason for why I hate the Olympics.
THE GAMES
Since when are handball and field hockey Olympic sports. Since when has high school gym class become so freakin’ popular that the Olympics decided to include them in the games. And what about badminton, table tennis and trampoline. These are backyard barbecue with your neighbors games. Really, I can get a gold medal for playing on a trampoline? Sign me up.
So trampoline gold medal winner, how will you use these acquired skills later in life?
Where is full-contact Clue, drunk twister, or Strip-poker? If we can have backyard barbecue and high school gym games in the Olympics, why not include some college frat party games as well? I would totally watch if they had Olympic beer pong!
AREN’T THE OLYMPICS FOR AMATEURS?
I seem to recall when the Olympic games were for unknown, unpaid, unsponsored amateur athletes who, once winning, could move into the professional world and actually make money at their skill (Go pro trampoline bouncer. I bet there is an opening as a trampoline-bouncing-boobie-model for the closing credits of The Man Show).
Now we have Venus Williams and Maria Sharapova competing in tennis.
What?
Somehow I seem to know these names.
Oh yes. Aren’t they like 2 of the most famous PROFESSIONAL, “MAKE A LIVING AT PLAYING” female tennis athletes of all times? How is some 16-year-old Turkish girl, who no one has ever heard of, supposed to compete against professional world-renown athletes.
How is some … girl, who no one has ever heard of, supposed to compete against professional world-renown athletes.
Somehow this seems to totally take away from all credibility of the game.
IT’S THE OLYMPICS? AGAIN!?
I liked the Olympics better when you got both winter and summer, in the same year, once every 4 years.
Now?:
2010 – winter Olympics.
2012-summer Olympics.
2014 – winter Olympics, again.
Every time the Olympics get announced I’m like, “Seriously? It’s the Olympics again? Didn’t we just have these?”
Seriously? It’s the Olympics again? Didn’t we just have these?
Come one people. The world cup is so popular because it happens ONCE EVERY 4 YEARS! The Olympics were better this way to.
Why?
ANTICIPATION.
The wait made the games special. It wasn’t like, “Meh, I’ll just catch the next one’. No. That Olympic shit hardly ever happened, so you got excited to see them. Olympics every 2 years just gets in the way of my Law and Order time.
THE MASCOTS
Have you seen the Olympic 2012 mascots?
How the hell does shapeless, Gumby-esque, giant eyeball creatures … represent the … Olympics.
I’d show you a picture, but its copyrighted, and I’m pretty sure the Olympic people would not be happy with this post and would sue the crap out of me if I ‘borrowed’ an image. So if you haven’t seen the mascots yet, go check out this link https://mascot-games.london2012.com/.
How the hell does shapeless, Gumby-esque, giant eyeball creatures – that look very much like they are created by Pixar -, represent the respectable and ancient Grecian games called the Olympics. Seriously? These are the most annoying and idiotic things I’ve ever seen. Four year olds can make better mascots than this. Maybe next time the Olympics should hire a few.
THE WORLD DOES NOT END DURING THE OLYMPICS
Seriously, does nothing else happen, anywhere, during these games. You can’t go more than 4 seconds without someone talking about the Olympics. Doing medal counts between countries. Did we beat China on medals?
WHO THE FUCK CARES?
I’m pretty sure there are still a few people left in Haiti, Japan, SE Asia, Africa, and Louisiana that still don’t have hi-def cable back yet. Or food and clean drinking water.
China has a billion plus people, without them our economy will disintegrate. Lets stop being deuches and pissing them off. Besides, if a lot of these ‘3rd world’, less fortunate countries had the money we did to train their athletes from young children, they would probably be whipping our asses.
Maybe we should stop being so into which country has how many medals, and melt those things down to help provide shelter and food to the millions of people displaced by natural disasters, famine, and war. I’m pretty sure there ate still a few people left in Haiti, Japan, SE Asia, and Africa, Louisiana that still don’t have hi-def cable back yet. Or food and clean drinking water.
Want a real look at which country has the most talent?
Lets go take a random sampling of people off the street in each country and pin them against each other. Then we can really see which country has the fastest, strongest, bounciest (weee, trampolines) population in the world.
I’m going with Africa. Since human evolution started in Africa, I’m pretty convinced Africans are a few (10’s of) thousand years or so ahead of us on the evolutionary scale.
Scientifically Founded Conclusion Time
I’m pretty sure ancient Greece would be horrified at the current Olympic games. I didn’t even get into the politics of the Olympics, why some countries are not in it, some are not recognized, etc., etc. I used to like the Olympics as a kid, but now I see it as a gigantic popularity contest and wealth show-off pageant, funded by companies who have absolutely nothing to do with sports.
Lets bring in some full contact miniature golf and aerial dart throwing, and maybe you can change my mind. Until then, I can’t wait for all this hoopla to be over!
From Charu:
Totally awesome! I agree the whole let’s do the Olympics every 2 years is so confusing to me. Summer, Winter…why not thrown in Spring and the Fall and we’d have the Four Seasons Olympics, right? To be sponsored by Krispy Kreme. #winning
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From Danib:
I think the ParaOlympics should be this popular, and not just mentioned in a 10 second byline on the news. And yea, im waiting for the Krispy Kreme sponsorship too….
From Tom @ Waegook Tom:
You mean “couldn’t give a shit” not “could give a shit”, right? As “could give a shit” implies that you could care about them but you’re saying you don’t at all? That first part is mighty confusing for me.
Other than that…gotta say, I love the Olympics and the way it brings people together although not keen on who they use as sponsors.
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From Danib:
It’s sarcastic and colloquial.
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From Gail Blanchette:
It would be more interesting if the Olympics were done the way they were “back in the day” when they were invented…..as in everyone was nude. Seriously. Look it up.
From Danib:
You know im all for that! Nude and greasy.
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From Vira:
wait, you didn’t write about the opening & closing ceremony!
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From Danib:
Opening ceremonies: some dude running with fire.
Closing ceremonies: bunch of people wearing bling
There….covered!
From mumun:
Can I guess you’re still OK GO with the Paralympics?
I lost interest in the Olympics because… it got boring. There’s nothing in it for me. Even the hot men are… just like any hot men on T; in a land far far away. But that’s just me.
I also noticed this trampoline sport… WTF! I’d like to be in that meeting where they finally decided that IT IS a sport worth celebrating. ‘But gentlemen, it takes skill and art to be able to bounce. There’s a level of difficulty in it. And anyone can then be an athlete. Those in favor say ‘Aye’?’ AYE!!
I have to admit I loved the closing this year. It was epic. It wasn’t the closing of an Olympics, it was a giant concert celebrating British music. And that’s a whole other story yes?
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From Danib:
I didnt see any of it really, except for one short dive when i was out to eat and it was on the tv. I decided that was as much Olympics as i need to be politically correct. I still think it was too much.
As for the Paralympics/Special Olympics..ALL FUCKING FOR THEM! I think those should get the media attention that the “regular” Olympics get! I would LOVE to go cover the Para/Special Olympics!!!!
From Talon:
Next time don’t hold back, okay? Lol
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From Danib:
It’s the Boston in me. I’ve been ranting enough to others, i figured i should hop on the trend, and write about the Olympics too.