When is spandex fashionable?

When you are at THE CLASH show in Portland, Maine!

THE CLASH is a ‘battle of the bands’ of sorts that happens in Portland, Maine through-out the year.  It happened that the one night I decided to go walk around Portland, was the night of THE CLASH.  Walking down the street, I stopped the first 3 people I happened upon and asked “What cool is there to do in Portland tonight?”

“THE CLASH” they replied unanimously and super-excited.  So I had to go.  I also was told by this small group of locals that ‘your not that creepy for a tourist’.  HAHAHA…Thanks.  Then they deemed it was because, I am, originally from Maine. But anyway, back to spandex.

So THE CLASH takes place at a local venue Port City Music Hall, in downtown Portland.

Its only $5 to get in too (though the drinks were rather expensive; $11 for a shot of Jagger and a Cranberry juice..though I am in the city here).

The doors weren’t open yet (like my timeline of events), so I walked down the street and found a small group sitting outside OTTO Pizza.

I actually just stopped because I liked the photo; but then I saw what they were eating and it looked delicious.  On the positive reviews, and basically these people told me I had to; I went inside to get some brick oven pizza.  Its amazing!

They have a whole bunch of different pizzas, ranging from my traditional tomato-basil slice to various gourmet slices (the flavours dependent on what they feel like cooking)…and this pizza will easily rival any New York brick oven joint’s!  Just look at it!

(dammit, im making myself hungry now)

THIS IS HOW AWESOME THE PIZZA IS…

Just look at the guy in the window’s face! (no, they guy in the back, behind the decal – His mouth is dropped at the awesomeness of the pizza!)

Also, you can see the line of people who have now formed outside to get some (not only to I randomly change chronology – I also change tense!)

So after a delicious slice of heaven, I walked back down to Port City to a huge line that went down the block!  EVERYONE comes out for this event it turns out.

I had to get the scoop on what THE CLASH really is.  This is my massacred understanding of how THE CLASH works:

One guy started THE CLASH.  What he does for each show is he picks 2 known artists to cover.  He becomes ‘team leader’ for one band (pretty sure this is what they meant).  Then he picks one local musician to be ‘team leader’ for one of the bands.  This ‘team leader’ picks; say, someone he want to be the drummer.  Then the drummer picks who he wants to be the guitarist, and so on until there are enough people to form a band.  So its all actual local musicians who form these bands..but may have never all played together before.  Then they learn a bunch of songs.  At THE CLASH; a coin is flipped, and one band wins to go on first.  They come out and play one song.  Then the next band plays one song.  Then the first band comes back and plays another song.

The bands take turns playing one song at a time and at the end of the night; the crowd votes by cheering who the winner is. They clash bands like Madonna vs Lady Gaga; Rocky Horror Picture Show vs Greece; Soundgarden vs, Pearl Jam.  This night it was..

wait for it..

(now you understand where the spandex comes in)

Oh, you don’t?  Well let me show you:

Yes, this stunning young man is looking quite fashionable in a black and white diamond-checkered-pattern spandex unitard.  This ensemble is enhanced by the single gold chain he has chosen to wear; which really brings out his hair.  He accessorizes this piece with a microphone; which he sways ever so subtly as he parades down the stage in this exquisite attire created by someone with way too much awesomeness to even say their name.

This is the singer for ‘Queen’.  The ‘David Bowie’ side had considerably less spandex and considerably more makeup (you cant do Bowie without the makeup)

Just look how he matched the his gold lipstick and gold eyeshadow to the giant gold circle on his forehead! So simple; yet so elegant!

Oh yes! Not only do the bands play the songs…they get all dressed up too!

Its HILARIOUS!

The crowd goes nuts! The bands are insane!  And the entire 20-30something population of Portland, Maine comes out to watch.

If you are planning a trip to Portland, Maine; I highly suggest to call Port City Music Hall and find out when the next THE CLASH is; and plan your trip around that! (ps: if you click any of the links to THE CLASH or Port City – you will be taken to their websites so you CAN plan your trip around this event!)

And now, for your enjoyment…more photos of dudes in spandex and makeup:

Cheers!